Afternoon Musings
Hi again! I'm still trying to figure out when it is best to write these. I'm currently sitting in Bing's the Cafe at Weatherford having just finished my lunch and reading for my Bible as Lit class. I've also been listening to some podcasts and was on reddit a little bit and watched someone on youtube debunking a psychic. In all honesty, it hasn't been all that productive of a day. Slept in til 9:30am printed out things for my Transport Phenomena class and then went to class and have been here since noon. (It's about 1:40 now).
Things are going alright for me. Those exams I took kicked my butt and I failed one of them and I'm waiting to see how much partial credit I get on the other one, but I know I approached it incorrectly. I'm just praying that there will be some way I can redeem my grades. I think I need to just sit and study alone more often. Yet for some reason I don't feel like it would do me much good. For I know the concepts and such, it was just those 'single problem, multiple questions on it' exams where if you get stumped on the problem, you're screwed for the entire exam. You're given 50 minutes to stare at it and try and think of a method to approach it from, but alas, you freeze up and are stumped. This is why I have to talk with people on the homework problems because I make inaccurate assumptions or just need to talk through the logic of which you can tackle a problem from. Anyways, academically I'm worried and am hoping and praying I will pass my classes with at least a C+ and hopefully a B/B+. Those are probably my only options now.
Good news is at home my scholarship check came in the mail, so that will be absolutely wonderful to have and to pay the school. They've had my transcripts on hold because I owe them money. And I needed my transcript to send to the Tribe so that way I could get the money to pay off the hold. (Don't you love that circle thing where one prevents the other...) They also cancelled my loans because apparently they didn't receive Transcript Returns from my parent's and I's taxes. So that's $2,000 I don't have to pay off debt either. Finances has been a bit frustrating lately, but the check is helpful and a delight and mom and I called the IRS on the weekend and they should be arriving at home soon and then I'll be able to bring them to financial aid and *hopefully* get my loans and money figured out.
With my current job, I am surviving. I really want to be a lot more joyful though. I am becoming impatient with silly choices others are making and trying so hard to refrain from judging their decisions. I understand being a first year student and making a mistake once or twice and then figuring out the consequences of your actions, but repeat offenders upset me. I especially am upset with the excessive noise past quiet hours. They wonder why I am never around, and it's because they run up and down the halls chasing each other and screaming like five-year-olds and it is 11-12 o'clock at night. I fail to understand how they expect me to be patient with it being the 2nd or 3rd time of me reminding them it is quiet hours and not only that but they are not the only people living here. They choose and make the environment they live in. I know an individual already moved out because it was too loud. To think that their inconsiderate actions caused someone to leave. It saddens me that there is not more respect within the community.
On the bright side, at least there is a group of residents who genuinely care, not just about each other but for me also. Which is nice when you are feeling depressed and down about things and they extend the invitation to hang out and chat if I'm feeling sad. I had my Tuesday night tea last night and 5 of my residents showed up and hung out and chatted for a bit. It was wonderful and made me feel important and valued. I know my value does not come from how many residents I bring to events, but sometimes in my job I feel that it is, for that is what gets praise. I also understand that it is not my fault if people do not wish to come. I cannot change that and do not wish to be persuasive and deceitful in getting others to go. I want them to come for themselves, not for me.
With all of this in mind and the Engineering Career fair tomorrow, I'm considering re-vamping my resume and going to look for jobs/internships. It's just weird being in good standing with UHDS (current employers) and having a lot of experience and then just leaving. At the same time, I wish the good standing would transfer to careers in my field more so that I would be chosen for internships like ME-COP or water treatment facilities or other internships. I don't understand why I don't receive them. I come to the conclusion that it is because God has me here for a reason, to learn something in particular, a purpose. I just struggle seeing what that is. What characteristic is it that I need to learn? What is it that I need to say to someone or perhaps help them with? How am I to serve those around me? Maybe I need to learn to be patient with those who frustrate me? To understand the world is not all rainbows and butterflies. To see the sadness and sorrow that truly exists in the world and to not be bogged down by it, but instead to continue to infuse it joy and happiness one person at a time.
.... Perhaps.
I feel I should go be productive now and do some homework so that way when I go study with my friends I'm not a deadbeat trying to play catch up with all of the work they accomplished yesterday.
Thank you for reading my writing. (I realized I haven't typed this much in a long time, and I can't type as fast as I used to. It takes a bit of focusing for me haha!)
Have a lovely day!
-M.E.
Things are going alright for me. Those exams I took kicked my butt and I failed one of them and I'm waiting to see how much partial credit I get on the other one, but I know I approached it incorrectly. I'm just praying that there will be some way I can redeem my grades. I think I need to just sit and study alone more often. Yet for some reason I don't feel like it would do me much good. For I know the concepts and such, it was just those 'single problem, multiple questions on it' exams where if you get stumped on the problem, you're screwed for the entire exam. You're given 50 minutes to stare at it and try and think of a method to approach it from, but alas, you freeze up and are stumped. This is why I have to talk with people on the homework problems because I make inaccurate assumptions or just need to talk through the logic of which you can tackle a problem from. Anyways, academically I'm worried and am hoping and praying I will pass my classes with at least a C+ and hopefully a B/B+. Those are probably my only options now.
Good news is at home my scholarship check came in the mail, so that will be absolutely wonderful to have and to pay the school. They've had my transcripts on hold because I owe them money. And I needed my transcript to send to the Tribe so that way I could get the money to pay off the hold. (Don't you love that circle thing where one prevents the other...) They also cancelled my loans because apparently they didn't receive Transcript Returns from my parent's and I's taxes. So that's $2,000 I don't have to pay off debt either. Finances has been a bit frustrating lately, but the check is helpful and a delight and mom and I called the IRS on the weekend and they should be arriving at home soon and then I'll be able to bring them to financial aid and *hopefully* get my loans and money figured out.
With my current job, I am surviving. I really want to be a lot more joyful though. I am becoming impatient with silly choices others are making and trying so hard to refrain from judging their decisions. I understand being a first year student and making a mistake once or twice and then figuring out the consequences of your actions, but repeat offenders upset me. I especially am upset with the excessive noise past quiet hours. They wonder why I am never around, and it's because they run up and down the halls chasing each other and screaming like five-year-olds and it is 11-12 o'clock at night. I fail to understand how they expect me to be patient with it being the 2nd or 3rd time of me reminding them it is quiet hours and not only that but they are not the only people living here. They choose and make the environment they live in. I know an individual already moved out because it was too loud. To think that their inconsiderate actions caused someone to leave. It saddens me that there is not more respect within the community.
On the bright side, at least there is a group of residents who genuinely care, not just about each other but for me also. Which is nice when you are feeling depressed and down about things and they extend the invitation to hang out and chat if I'm feeling sad. I had my Tuesday night tea last night and 5 of my residents showed up and hung out and chatted for a bit. It was wonderful and made me feel important and valued. I know my value does not come from how many residents I bring to events, but sometimes in my job I feel that it is, for that is what gets praise. I also understand that it is not my fault if people do not wish to come. I cannot change that and do not wish to be persuasive and deceitful in getting others to go. I want them to come for themselves, not for me.
With all of this in mind and the Engineering Career fair tomorrow, I'm considering re-vamping my resume and going to look for jobs/internships. It's just weird being in good standing with UHDS (current employers) and having a lot of experience and then just leaving. At the same time, I wish the good standing would transfer to careers in my field more so that I would be chosen for internships like ME-COP or water treatment facilities or other internships. I don't understand why I don't receive them. I come to the conclusion that it is because God has me here for a reason, to learn something in particular, a purpose. I just struggle seeing what that is. What characteristic is it that I need to learn? What is it that I need to say to someone or perhaps help them with? How am I to serve those around me? Maybe I need to learn to be patient with those who frustrate me? To understand the world is not all rainbows and butterflies. To see the sadness and sorrow that truly exists in the world and to not be bogged down by it, but instead to continue to infuse it joy and happiness one person at a time.
.... Perhaps.
I feel I should go be productive now and do some homework so that way when I go study with my friends I'm not a deadbeat trying to play catch up with all of the work they accomplished yesterday.
Thank you for reading my writing. (I realized I haven't typed this much in a long time, and I can't type as fast as I used to. It takes a bit of focusing for me haha!)
Have a lovely day!
-M.E.
I'm back on blogger and I miss you!! :)
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