Meh, Monday
Today has been pretty.. well okay, but I'm just letting a bad grade defeat me. I really know better than to let a grade define me and my day, but I can't help but throw myself a pity party. I also think being emotional doesn't help either.. I know my grades will be okay, yet for some reason, I still wept over it.
I have two midterms this week. Physics on Wednesday and Organic Chem Thursday. So, basically I have been at the library the majority of the day when I haven't been in classes. In Physics were learning about circuits and resistance and stuff. Most of which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I understand a few conceptual things, but I feel like I'm missing the big picture stuff. I'm feeling alright about O-Chem. I'm generally good at cramming for that right before hand and doing alright.
The class I'm sad about is Engineering. I straight up failed the 2nd quiz. I felt pretty empty when I got that test back. I only got 8 out of the 41 points within the first 3 questions. It was really disappointing. I got the majority of the rest of the test correct. But that one problem that was worth 25 and the following two worth 8 pts each, kicked my butt. Psychrometeric Charts are a pain and I made stupid mistakes in reading them. I wish there was a way to prove that I know how to do the material. I'll ask if my final score could replace this one maybe, because I just feel awful. I'm glad that this class is cushioned by homework, studio and even the recitation questions which you get extra credit on. So, basically, if I get C's on the next quiz and the final, I'll get a B in the class. And if I keep getting good grades in the recitation/homework/studio portion. I had to go and crunch the numbers to prove to myself that it isn't as bad as I thought it was. I just wish it wasn't eating so much at me.
On the plus side, I did get a phone call about my tribal scholarship. (I'm part Native American, a small part, but I'm registered and have a tribal ID). I just have to send the tribe my enrollment for next quarter once it's all done and then I get the money. Until then, I have to borrow money from my parents and then I'll pay them back once I get the scholarship. So that was really good news. I also had a phone call from mom about tax info from my internship payment and whether or not it is taxable. Yay finance conversations with parents.
And shortly here, I'll be heading off for yogurt extreme with Calan and Seth. Calan will have just finished up his bio midterm, and Seth is my go-to-guy when it comes to eating or baking things and just venting about tests. He's the best friend I have here, in most regards. Being in my major and having known him well for almost a year now.
After yogurt I'll probably just go to bed. I studied chapters 29, 30 and 31ish today in the library in prep for Physics on Wed. Tomorrow is our staff meeting so I won't have time after 5pm tomorrow to really do any more studying. Plus I need to get cracking on the O-Chem. I'll probably start that here after I'm done writing this.. on second thought, I don't think I will. That is too much wishful thinking.
I feel bad because I didn't smile at people as much as I usually do. Or by me being sad I let people down. Its one of those weird concepts, where I wonder if it is strong to show how you're feeling, or if it is weak for the fact that you cannot control how you're feeling. I always think the latter and wait til I'm home to cry. I also just don't enjoy crying in front of people, yet I don't like lying and saying that I'm okay when everything isn't okay. I feel I just need to let it go and get over my grades. They're important, but they're not worth stressing over this much. Nor the amount of tears that they bring.
If God wants me to graduate in Chemical Engineering, it'll happen. If not, He'll point me elsewhere. For now, this is the passion He's given me, and I'll keep trying til I'm directed or swayed elsewhere.
Oh and for next year, I got placed in Bloss Hall for being an RA. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I'm not upset, nor am I overjoyed. I am lukewarm, in the sense that I have no ties to it, nor any unpleasant experiences. I am happy to be with my friend Sam on staff. That was the one positive thing. I know I'll get my own bathroom, but it is suite style so I share it with the adjacent room. But I have my own sink and everything, so that is cool. I just don't want to have to clean my own bathroom. :/ Not looking forward to that, but it could be worse I'm sure. I'm by Arnold and Cascadia as well as Peet's, so there are lots of food options which is nice. I'm sure it'll be good. It's just going to be hard, since this is my 2nd year in Sackett, and to then change places; it'll be new and unfamiliar territory, which saddens me.
Oh well. I'm sorry to blog in my self-pity, for it is not the best mindset in which to type/write. I hope it doesn't leech into your day. There are loads of things to be happy about. I just only am seeing gray.
Here's to hoping that you can see the sunshine and smile.
Thanks for reading.
-M.E.
I have two midterms this week. Physics on Wednesday and Organic Chem Thursday. So, basically I have been at the library the majority of the day when I haven't been in classes. In Physics were learning about circuits and resistance and stuff. Most of which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I understand a few conceptual things, but I feel like I'm missing the big picture stuff. I'm feeling alright about O-Chem. I'm generally good at cramming for that right before hand and doing alright.
The class I'm sad about is Engineering. I straight up failed the 2nd quiz. I felt pretty empty when I got that test back. I only got 8 out of the 41 points within the first 3 questions. It was really disappointing. I got the majority of the rest of the test correct. But that one problem that was worth 25 and the following two worth 8 pts each, kicked my butt. Psychrometeric Charts are a pain and I made stupid mistakes in reading them. I wish there was a way to prove that I know how to do the material. I'll ask if my final score could replace this one maybe, because I just feel awful. I'm glad that this class is cushioned by homework, studio and even the recitation questions which you get extra credit on. So, basically, if I get C's on the next quiz and the final, I'll get a B in the class. And if I keep getting good grades in the recitation/homework/studio portion. I had to go and crunch the numbers to prove to myself that it isn't as bad as I thought it was. I just wish it wasn't eating so much at me.
On the plus side, I did get a phone call about my tribal scholarship. (I'm part Native American, a small part, but I'm registered and have a tribal ID). I just have to send the tribe my enrollment for next quarter once it's all done and then I get the money. Until then, I have to borrow money from my parents and then I'll pay them back once I get the scholarship. So that was really good news. I also had a phone call from mom about tax info from my internship payment and whether or not it is taxable. Yay finance conversations with parents.
And shortly here, I'll be heading off for yogurt extreme with Calan and Seth. Calan will have just finished up his bio midterm, and Seth is my go-to-guy when it comes to eating or baking things and just venting about tests. He's the best friend I have here, in most regards. Being in my major and having known him well for almost a year now.
After yogurt I'll probably just go to bed. I studied chapters 29, 30 and 31ish today in the library in prep for Physics on Wed. Tomorrow is our staff meeting so I won't have time after 5pm tomorrow to really do any more studying. Plus I need to get cracking on the O-Chem. I'll probably start that here after I'm done writing this.. on second thought, I don't think I will. That is too much wishful thinking.
I feel bad because I didn't smile at people as much as I usually do. Or by me being sad I let people down. Its one of those weird concepts, where I wonder if it is strong to show how you're feeling, or if it is weak for the fact that you cannot control how you're feeling. I always think the latter and wait til I'm home to cry. I also just don't enjoy crying in front of people, yet I don't like lying and saying that I'm okay when everything isn't okay. I feel I just need to let it go and get over my grades. They're important, but they're not worth stressing over this much. Nor the amount of tears that they bring.
If God wants me to graduate in Chemical Engineering, it'll happen. If not, He'll point me elsewhere. For now, this is the passion He's given me, and I'll keep trying til I'm directed or swayed elsewhere.
Oh and for next year, I got placed in Bloss Hall for being an RA. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I'm not upset, nor am I overjoyed. I am lukewarm, in the sense that I have no ties to it, nor any unpleasant experiences. I am happy to be with my friend Sam on staff. That was the one positive thing. I know I'll get my own bathroom, but it is suite style so I share it with the adjacent room. But I have my own sink and everything, so that is cool. I just don't want to have to clean my own bathroom. :/ Not looking forward to that, but it could be worse I'm sure. I'm by Arnold and Cascadia as well as Peet's, so there are lots of food options which is nice. I'm sure it'll be good. It's just going to be hard, since this is my 2nd year in Sackett, and to then change places; it'll be new and unfamiliar territory, which saddens me.
Oh well. I'm sorry to blog in my self-pity, for it is not the best mindset in which to type/write. I hope it doesn't leech into your day. There are loads of things to be happy about. I just only am seeing gray.
Here's to hoping that you can see the sunshine and smile.
Thanks for reading.
-M.E.
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