Rain, Rain, Go Away
You ever have those days, where every little things gets to you? The tiny moments that, in the grand scheme of things, should be nothing, you can brush it off sure, but eventually you can't take it.
Finals have been my defeat today. That and the additional weight of everything else. I think I'm just going to have a bit of an emotional rant and wallow in my own self pity for a moment, so if you are looking for some encouragement, I encourage you to look elsewhere.
Today was my two hardest finals. Back to back, engineering and physics. engineering is transient balances, the change in temperature with respects to time or mass over time, etc. The rest of engineering, I get, but this concept, killed me. That and a few other little things like the heat capacity of ice can be used at all temperatures through the process, only to be found that when my friend had clarified with a TA that you weren't supposed to make that assumption, even though it stated that in the problem. Let's just say, there are lovely tear stains on that final.. and I eventually gave up, because when I looked at the clock, I had my physics final to be at in less than 20 minutes. Now at least in physics, I only need a 50% on the final to get a B in the class and a 30 something percent to pass. Now I rocked the multiple choice (at least, at this point in time I think I did.) The first problem, I slayed it. The next three, each worth 40pts a piece, I had not a clue. 120 of the 200 pts I had no idea.. and so I proceeded to do the best one can do while pursuing a B.S. degree. B.S. I wrote down as much of it as I could in hopes of getting the partial credit for attempting the first second and last parts of the write-up problems. I sat in the class for a good half hour not knowing what to do and to continue to write down random equations hoping that they'd fit somewhere into the picture to make my number of unknowns go down rather than up.
Since all of this, I feel like I've been the worst person to be around ever. I am sad. I am burdening everyone with my complaints and feel like such a 'Debbie Downer'. I know people like to encourage me and try and be positive, but this was one thing, that people can't really lift me up about, because I knew it was coming. I just hope that O-Chem will be better tomorrow and that duty will actually be fun. I think the one thing that is nice, is to know that my residents care about me too. That's nice. I like that. They've all given me hugs when they realize that I'm not my usual perky self. I like knowing that people care.
I had a mini milkshake, burger and fries tonight. Well, it was a boca burger, so it wasn't that bad for me. My resident were encouraging me to get a bigger milkshake.. but food isn't really all that comforting when it comes to grades for me. I just want to go home at this point. I want to curl up on the couch and snuggle with Tiger Lily (my cat) and read A Brave New World. I want to go watch Doctor Who with my boyfriend, and drive to the Tillamook Cheese Factory with him, my brother and sister in the car and share laughs. I want to visit Seattle, sit in a small coffee shop and watch the rain fall down the window pane and forget all about these grades..
Why is it, that we can get so hung up on what happens in one day.. when we will soon forget what this day was even like? I don't remember what finals were like last quarter.. let alone what they were like my freshman year. Why does today matter?
I hate to keep lowering my standards for grades, but I just want a 3.0.. it used to be a 3.5, but after today, I don't think it is an attainable goal for myself. B's are good. It's above average, and significantly better than just passing, so I think it's alright. It shows that I did other things rather than just freaked out about grades. 'Well-rounded'.
Well I'm going to go shower and maybe head to be early again so I can get up and start the O-Chem study and review. Finally, O-Chem. A class I'm halfway decent at.
I'm sorry for my sorrowful musings. I appreciate your concern and prayer if you do that.
Thanks for reading.
-M.E.
Finals have been my defeat today. That and the additional weight of everything else. I think I'm just going to have a bit of an emotional rant and wallow in my own self pity for a moment, so if you are looking for some encouragement, I encourage you to look elsewhere.
Today was my two hardest finals. Back to back, engineering and physics. engineering is transient balances, the change in temperature with respects to time or mass over time, etc. The rest of engineering, I get, but this concept, killed me. That and a few other little things like the heat capacity of ice can be used at all temperatures through the process, only to be found that when my friend had clarified with a TA that you weren't supposed to make that assumption, even though it stated that in the problem. Let's just say, there are lovely tear stains on that final.. and I eventually gave up, because when I looked at the clock, I had my physics final to be at in less than 20 minutes. Now at least in physics, I only need a 50% on the final to get a B in the class and a 30 something percent to pass. Now I rocked the multiple choice (at least, at this point in time I think I did.) The first problem, I slayed it. The next three, each worth 40pts a piece, I had not a clue. 120 of the 200 pts I had no idea.. and so I proceeded to do the best one can do while pursuing a B.S. degree. B.S. I wrote down as much of it as I could in hopes of getting the partial credit for attempting the first second and last parts of the write-up problems. I sat in the class for a good half hour not knowing what to do and to continue to write down random equations hoping that they'd fit somewhere into the picture to make my number of unknowns go down rather than up.
Since all of this, I feel like I've been the worst person to be around ever. I am sad. I am burdening everyone with my complaints and feel like such a 'Debbie Downer'. I know people like to encourage me and try and be positive, but this was one thing, that people can't really lift me up about, because I knew it was coming. I just hope that O-Chem will be better tomorrow and that duty will actually be fun. I think the one thing that is nice, is to know that my residents care about me too. That's nice. I like that. They've all given me hugs when they realize that I'm not my usual perky self. I like knowing that people care.
I had a mini milkshake, burger and fries tonight. Well, it was a boca burger, so it wasn't that bad for me. My resident were encouraging me to get a bigger milkshake.. but food isn't really all that comforting when it comes to grades for me. I just want to go home at this point. I want to curl up on the couch and snuggle with Tiger Lily (my cat) and read A Brave New World. I want to go watch Doctor Who with my boyfriend, and drive to the Tillamook Cheese Factory with him, my brother and sister in the car and share laughs. I want to visit Seattle, sit in a small coffee shop and watch the rain fall down the window pane and forget all about these grades..
Why is it, that we can get so hung up on what happens in one day.. when we will soon forget what this day was even like? I don't remember what finals were like last quarter.. let alone what they were like my freshman year. Why does today matter?
I hate to keep lowering my standards for grades, but I just want a 3.0.. it used to be a 3.5, but after today, I don't think it is an attainable goal for myself. B's are good. It's above average, and significantly better than just passing, so I think it's alright. It shows that I did other things rather than just freaked out about grades. 'Well-rounded'.
Well I'm going to go shower and maybe head to be early again so I can get up and start the O-Chem study and review. Finally, O-Chem. A class I'm halfway decent at.
I'm sorry for my sorrowful musings. I appreciate your concern and prayer if you do that.
Thanks for reading.
-M.E.
Never apologize for sorrowful musings...after all, it's very healthy to do so. I am sorry that finals have been so rough. Yes those are incredibly stressful times. Do you have an outlet for the stress? Something that allows you a temporary repreive from it? By the way, I think you earned the mini milkshake, burger, and fries :)
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a stress outlet sadly. I crochet when I need down time to do something, yet do nothing. I am thinking I may try and work out again, but that never ends up being something I can actually keep up with and it gets tossed by the wayside. I'm glad you think I earned to burger, milkshake, and fries though. I think the one thing that is hard, is I am supposed to be a good role model for residents, but I guess it just shows that I am human and stress just like them rather than creating some unrealistic way to be.
DeleteI'm off to the library for O-Chem today. I woke up to snow and my window was open all night because I went to sleep to the sound of rain. Funny how that worked out for me.
Well you can be a good role model and have imperfections at the same time. It sounds as though you put a lot of pressure on yourself - I'm that way sometimes but I try to catch myself when I'm doing it. I think it's really good to create a stress outlet if you can. I realize you probably do not have a lot of free time though. It's ironic that you posted this today, as my post today involved making "you time" for yourself.
DeleteYou woke up to snow?? I'm jealous!! We didn't have any this year.
Oohhh. I will go read it.. you know when I have free time. :) haha.
DeleteYeah, it is snowing harder now. I wanted to drive to visit my boyfriend tomorrow too. :( I will probably make the trek anyways. It'll be nice to finally be done! Today is a lot better and with a lot less stress, but I'm not learning anything, so its quite the bummer. :(
I would trade you in a heartbeat - I love the snow! It's 84 here today - WAY too early for that temperature!
DeleteNope.. I love sun. :) Getting to hang out and read books and tan, heck yes. Granted, Winter is still my favorite time of the year then fall, but summer is great too.
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